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Diesel's Xmas Cake

Discussion in 'Preparation & Cooking' started by diesel, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    Sep 23, 2016
    Christmas Fruit Cake.

    Ingredients:

    1 cup of water

    1 tsp baking soda

    1 cup of sugar

    1 tsp salt

    1 cup of brown sugar

    lemon juice

    4 large eggs

    lots of nuts

    1 bottle Brandy

    2 cups of dried fruit

    Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

    Repeat.

    Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

    Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is shtill OK.

    Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer.

    Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

    Pick fruit off floor.

    Mix on the turner.

    If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

    Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.

    Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who careshz.

    Check the brandy.

    Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

    Add one table.

    Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

    Greash the oven and wee in the fridge.

    Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

    Don't forget to beat off the turner.

    Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the brandy

    Fall into bed.

    Have a Cherry Mistmas.

    Jeff o_O
     
    Bluefin, AWL, creekboy and 2 others like this.
  2. kev209

    kev209 Moderator

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    Aug 22, 2016
    Great one Jeff, Lyn loved it
     
    creekboy and diesel like this.
  3. creekboy

    creekboy Well-Known Member

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    Sep 7, 2016
    Hi, Jeff. Need to know if recipe would still work with port? It sounds pretty good as is though. Cheers, creekboy.
     
    AWL, diesel and kev209 like this.
  4. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    It will work quite well with port, Lyall, just increase the required amount from a bottle to at least a 2 litre cask :D.

    Jeff :cool:
     
    creekboy, AWL and kev209 like this.
  5. AWL

    AWL Well-Known Member

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    Aug 21, 2016
    I just tried this recipe :cool::cool: And you forgot one important step Jeff,Pre-heat the oven;)
    I used jack daniels instead of brandy and when i lit up the gas oven with my pride and joy xmas cake in it,it relocated itself to the laundry.The guys from the fire brigade where pretty understanding about it all once they put the fire out :)but the Mrs isn't happy about the hole in the wall and having to cook xmas lunch on the washing machine.The neighbours are whinging something about their broken windows,but the ringing in my ears means i cant hear them properly anyway so all is good:D

    Team AWL
    A merry xmas to you all:)
     
  6. diesel

    diesel Well-Known Member

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    Ya gotta be careful using Jacks, AWL, it's a mighty fine drop and will cure coughs, colds, sore holes, brewers droop and tapeworm, but not sure about using it in cooking. I've got an old mate up here who swears by adding a generous slurp (bigger than a sip, but not as big as a guzzle) to his first cup of coffee each morning, he is in his early 90's so it can't be too bad for you.

    Jeff :cool:
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2017
    creekboy and kev209 like this.
  7. kev209

    kev209 Moderator

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    This is what we all need is a bloody good laugh. Keep it up fellas.
     
    creekboy and diesel like this.
  8. creekboy

    creekboy Well-Known Member

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    Sep 7, 2016
    X2. Cheers, creekboy.
     
    diesel and kev209 like this.

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